She Asks: 'What's After Shahadah?'

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How About My Future?
What About My Parents?

Where do I Find a Teacher?
How to Find A Husband?

Congratulations sister, on coming to Islam. The Muslim faith is the fastest growing religion in the world today and women are entering Islam in larger number than men. Some reports are from four to one to as much as 10 to 1 over men.
But it is not quantity that is impressive as much as the commitment of the new Muslims to go above and beyond the average "born Muslims" in their search for real Islam in today's world.
For this reason we have provided a number of websites, chatrooms, live programs with real scholars online, Islamic TV channels and a large number of audio and video programs in simple English language for the new Muslims and those "waking up" to the challenges being offered to Muslims in these days.

You can access some of our sites at: Special sites of interest for you might be: (Ramadan is coming soon).
Again, Congratulations and welcome to Islam.
Now to your personal email, inshallah (God Willing):
Thanks for writing and for your support and questions. At present we are deeply involved with producing and developing advanced stages of our website project, while at the same time preparing to launch our Islamic TV satellite channel for America. (Yeah, a real 24 hour, 7 day a week, broadcast cable/satellite TV channel)
Naturally, this limits the personal time I have to answer questions in our emails. For this reason we have enlisted the assistance of some of the top English scholars of Islam on the planet. You can write to me for contacts: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

In a situation where one's parents have not been the best of examples in either Faith nor Life choices, how does one continue to respect, love and interact with them when these parents embody a very great number of flaws (haram lifestyles, some illegal activity, denial of Faith & God, financial irresponsibility, etc.) which individually, in a non-family member, would justify staying as far away as possible? Is there a point where one's physical & mental health supercedes one's duty to respect, stand by and support one's parents? How do you reconcile that in your soul?
Yes. Naturally, we would try our best to provide service, respect and honor to our parents as this is one of the most important things Muslims can do. Yet, there really is a limit to what is expected. Whenever the experience is totally unbearable as in, there is a danger of going out of Islam or compromising the belief or practice of Islam, then leaving the local and seeking a more solid environment is preferable.


When one cannot go to their parents for guidance, does not have extended family nor a network of "honorable" (muslim or otherwise) acquaintances... who then does one go to to get counseling, guidance and comfort?

The local imam is always the first to consider in matters like these, inshallah (God Willing). The "wali" is a close male Muslim relative, as a father, brother or husband. The "substitute" for a "wali" is called a "wakil" and it is someone who is acting in the best interest of the woman as her wali would do if she had one. He should be married and not meet with her without someone with him, nor hold personal communication (chat-rooms? - no) with her either. This is not good. She needs someone who would really be concerned for her best interests and not his own.
Who can help one make good choices in one's islamic development?


This is an excellent question. The best answer of course, is Allah. But of course we are humans and need human input to help us along the way, inshallah. I recommend what our prophet, peace be upon him, did for help. First, is to constantly keep up the prayers on time and in the masjid (for the men - not the women) and get up in the night for a special late prayer (tahajjad), crying to Him for guidance and help and forgiveness, inshallah.
You should consider using our chat-room on-line when we have scholars or presenters on line. There is a sisters room for the ladies and a convert sister in Australia is taking care of sisters there. Here is the link: - tick all the boxes and then sign in using your own name as a "guest" and then choose the room you like (main) or (sisters).
For questions (other than me), write to our scholars for answers: Sheikh Salem Al Amry This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Who can help one identify / select a good husband?


Another excellent question. Family and friends are supposed to assist each other in locating a proper match. Someone who has known the man personally and has had dealings with him and his family is highly advised. It is also appreciated to have some background on his past history of worship. Closeness to Almighty Allah is by far a good recommendation in itself.
The one who is most likely to enter the Paradise is a good choice regardless of his status in this life, as the next life is eternal. Sometimes it is not easy to be married to someone who puts Allah first in their lives.

It seems mighty difficult for a non-muslim to trace the fine lines between character-culture-faith in muslim people and if one is not from the same faith and/or culture, it is all the more difficult to recognize the potential spouse's individual character.


One way to really have an indication as to the character and behavior of a Muslim man is to observe first of all, how he treats his relationship with his Lord (Allah). If that is good, then the rest should be good too. His prayers ontime in the masjid and jummah in the masjid on Fridays, fasting on Mondays and Thursdays (recommended sunnah of the prophet, peace be upon him), charity and reading Quran on a daily basis, along with hanging out with other good and upright Muslims should be a good indication of his behavior, inshallah. How would a man have respect for anyone if he cannot have respect for his Lord?
Next, look to the way he treats his mother and father. He must have total respect and honor for them, never talking bad about them or saying things they would not like said about them. He should be giving good service to them and caring for them in the best ways. All of this is whether or not they are Muslims. This is a duty he has in front of Allah. It indicates clearly how he would treat his wife.
When there has been a marriage before, it is important to hear both sides of the story, if possible or at least someone else's opinion who knew the situation. If that is not available, the input of a trusted person (wakil) is necessary to better know what might take place in the future.
Seeing how a person acts under stressful situations is recommended by a Muslim sister giving advise to the other sisters.
How do you then "verify" the quality of a potential husband, especially in an environment which frowns upon mixed interaction, which would normally allow the individuals to get to know each other, beyond the "best first impressions" 3-6 month phase of dating?
No dating - this is big "haram" (forbidden). A man and a woman must never be alone together, as a devil is always the third. Muslims are to share this experience together helping each other to find, interview and help the sisters and brothers to experience the best relationship ever intended between two individuals by choice - marriage. No one likes to consider a life partner who has "been in relationships" or multiple marriages. A virgin is highly preferred for many obvious reasons. However, this is not the only consideration. If someone has been married then divorced or widowed then there is no problem. However, mixing together without marriage will only lead to great disappointments and unfulfilled dreams and goals.
Commitment for a life long relationship is indicated by marriage in Islam, although divorced is permitted in extreme cases when there is no suitable solution to problems within the relationship, it is still considered as a "last resort."

While dating has not woked for me (!), can marrying a virtual stranger merely based on Faith (deen) really be more successful?
Islam does not permit a woman (or man for that matter) to marry someone they don't even know. That is the purpose behind having investigations done on the person, the family, the status of citizenship (these days) and so on. The person must be known and seen and their lives and purposes made clear before entering into any close proximity. Then after a meeting (or two or there, etc.) with the representative(s) present, the woman is the one to make the final choice.
Dating is not an option either, I assume you already know that. Knowing someone before marriage is essential and can be is to be done through proper channels.
It can be fun and rewarding, inshallah.


#3 Mubeen 2011-12-27 04:46
Jazak Allah Khair Shaikh. Really good information.
#2 Mariam 2011-08-26 12:01
Mash'Allah - just minutes ago a sister asked me some of these things per sms. She is a new Muslim (shahada by Yusuf Estes in Belgium!) and has rented an appartment closer to her work. Living with her non-Muslim mother is disturbing their relationship. Now another sister told her that it is haram to live alone too - but she also can't just get married, just like that. Is there anyone who can indicate what is the best thing to do? Stay with her mother at the risk of not being able to be good to her - live alone for some time while asking an Iman to find her a suitable husband - ... or ??? Thanks for any usefull reference!
#1 Saeed 2011-07-09 04:14
Very beautiful advice and to the point. It is appropriate for the new muslims but is equally beneficial to the existing muslims too. Very words of wisdom and thats what makes societies better and stronger and harmonius. Jazakomullah khair

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