Marriage in Islam: 10 KEYS

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10 keys_to_marriage
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ISLAM NEWSROOM UPDATE - Wednesday May 27, 2015

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Answers - Marriage & Islam's Women

Question - "I'm frustrated waiting to find and marry a good righteous Muslimah (Muslim woman). I mean you know, to have release from the need for sex? Is there a solution for me from Islam?"
(signed), Very FRUSTRATED

Answer - Dear "Frustrated" - Islam provides essential ingredients for a man and woman to be married and to have sexual relations as man and wife. While there are many books on the subject which we recommend for all Muslims to read, we humbly offer the follow information about these ingredients, inshallah.

get married


key sm11st Key: The first ingredient is the "wali" (nearest relative to the lady, such as her father or brother if the father is unable to perform the task) or "wakil" (imam or appointed guardian to act on behalf of the best interests of the lady). It is his job to help find and interview the background of any potential suitor for the lady.

key sm12nd Key: After choosing the young man, there is an appointment scheduled for the two of them to meet (under chaperoned supervision) to discuss their possible future together.

key sm13rd Key: After the initial meeting, both of them are to pray to Allah in the form of salat known as "salatul istakharah" for guidance. If this is not done, it does not invalidate the marriage, but it is something that will really help both of them in their future. Please refer to the subject of the "salatul istakharah." 

key sm14th Key: If both of them recognized positive signs from the "salatul istakharah" then they would proceed to make the "nikah" (marriage contract). This again is done under supervision with two witnesses. It is usually attended by an imam or knowledgeable person in Islam, just so that there will be no mistakes in taking care of the details.

key sm15th Key: The mahr (dowry) is presented and the lady is asked if she is prepared to accept this mahr and be married to this man. This is usually repeated three times in front of the witnesses, but at least one acknowledgment from the lady is necessary to proceed.

key sm16th Key: The women would then sign the nikah document in front of the witnesses.

key sm17th Key: The witnesses (usually two) would sign and attest that they had been present at the nikah and did witness the acceptance by the lady of the offer of marriage by the man. The imam might also sign, but this does not affect the validity of the marriage. Any two adult Muslims may witness the document. In the case of women witnesses, it is correct to have two in place of one. If there were to be two witnesses, but one is a woman, then it would be correct to have a man and two women sign the document.

key sm18th Key: After the acceptance of the lady, the signing of the nikah (document), witnessing of the two witnesses and exchange of mahr, the man and the women are considered legal in Islam to live together and be together as man and wife and to have sex. However, until they actually consummate the marriage (i.e., have intercourse) they may cancel the marriage, and the mahr would be returned back to the man.

key sm19th Key: After the signing of the marriage document, and the acceptance of the bride of the 'mahr' (dowry), and the signing of the two witnesses, the groom is free to take his bride at anytime he chooses. There is no waiting, if that is what you are implying. As regards any kind of a deadline, this would be according to the contract. If the lady or the gentleman has specified that for whatever reasons, if they are not able to be living together by such and such a date, then the mahr could be returned back to the man and the woman and man would be considered not married (unless of course, if they had consummated the marriage by having sex together).

key sm110th Key: If the groom is unable or unwilling to take the bride after an extended period of time and she or he would like to annul the marriage, they would simply let the other person know and cause the mahr to be returned to the groom.

key sm1NOTE: This is all based on the fact that although they have a contract for marriage (nikah) it is not considered completed until after they consummate (have sex). Once that has happened, they are married and the only way for them to no longer be married would be through divorce (khulwa or lian or talaq).

And of course, Allah Knows Best.

Any good is from Allah the mistakes were from myself. May Allah guide all of us to His Truth, ameen. 

MORE? == Visit 'marriage' on (You'll fall in love with it)

00 comments_after_review


#18 Ali 2016-03-14 10:30
Brother l know how hard it is to be unable to express yourself that way, but it is extremely important that you do not get married only to have sex. As a Muslim convert l can tell you from my previous experiences that sex is not the priority it seems to be right now. Your wife would still be your wife afterwards, indefinitely, and she deserves to be loved and kept for more than just her body. Enter marriage with a clear mind and the intention to love and dote upon her. But never marry for any reason until you are capable of doing so. She deserves better, and so do you. Salaam
#17 Anon 2015-12-21 20:05
The person below be, S.M Sounds extremely bitter..
#16 SM 2015-05-08 01:00
The questioner is inquiring about how to "find and marry". This article addresses the requirements for marrying very well, most Muslims are aware of these requirement already.

Finding a prospect is the challenge, especially for brothers/sister s who are first generation immigrants to the United States.

In my experience a brother who does not own a house, cars, 401k, has living parents, things in terms of material world has limited to no chance of finding a Muslim wife in the U.S. A Muslim father will marry his daughter to a wealthy non-believer than a Muslim who makes a respectable halal living. Muslim brothers may be better off with Christians or Jews than wasting time pursuing Muslim women. Again this is my experience from living in the States for 11 years in Texas and California.

In the absence of a prospective lady/gentleman a discussion about wali, mahr and witnesses is total nonsense.
#15 khadija 2015-05-06 15:39
manshaAllah may almight Allah make ys good muslimah ...nd guid us to right path thnk sheik hu gives us dis advice
#14 Nasihah Faruq 2015-05-03 08:14
The only perfect wife is in Jannah waiting for you, otherwise here, accept what Allaah subhanna wa ta ala has provided, wa hamdulillaah... .
#13 Im looking for Musli 2014-04-06 12:51
Very good advice.Im from Tajikistan. But right now im 26 living in US I cant find a practical Muslimah.its very hard here in US to get married. Cuz we dont have any activity in our Masjids to know girls.... It would be great if in all Masjid we do youth community every week.
#12 Laila 2014-01-05 12:07
Dear Muslimah: as long as you are following islam as it is in the sunnah and Quran, you're a good wife. Try to follow how Ashiah or other wives if the prophet (pbuh) acted. That's the best you can do. If that's not enough for your Saudi husband, tell him to bring you proof of what he wants from you in either the Quran or sunnah.
Saudi men are stubborn.
Ask Allah for guidance and don't allow him to drag you to hell
I am a new zealander and i converted 1 year and 10 months ago. I married to a Saudi guy and we did a proper marriage nad we spoke to a sheikh about it and we are ok but we always argue because aparently im not doing things correctly as a wife should. I am just wanting help on the roles a wife should take when married? I think that he brings his culture in our marriage
#11 Jamila bello 2014-01-02 11:57
There are so many good women looking for a good man to marry. Just keep in mind that no one is perfect. If you keep looking for a perfect woman, there is none and there would be none. The wives of the prophet were not perfect, they did things he disapproved. So the best thing is to look for a reasonable woman who is interested in learning more about the deen and take it from there. May Allah help you find your soul mate.
#10 khabat 2013-07-06 02:11
assalam alaikom, thank you very much!!!
jazakom allah khairan kasiran...
#9 IBRAHIM KHOKAR 2013-06-07 23:42

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