Marry A Christian Man?

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'He Believes in Trinity God'
But He's A Good Man
So, Can I marry him?'

Question - A sister asked:

My question is, I am in love with this real nice guy who does believes in One God but he is not a Muslim.
He is a wonderful man and so generous. He is a Christian.
But he says there is just One God and he is kind and wonderful and generous and he does not smoke or drink and he wants me to know about The Trinity and Christian way.
He is wonderful and nice and good man and I know I really, really love him. So that is the most important thing. We know we truly love each other and nothing else matters.
But my relatives say it is not OK in Islam to marry him.
I have another problem with my parents.
They are insisting I have to raise up my children to be Muslims and make them to memorize Quran. But why do they insist on this when even we don't know Arabic.
And wearing long black dresses and long beards and robes.
This is not real Islam, I read something on a webpage proves it is not necessary to be so extreme.
I think my parents need to let me make my own choices, raise my kids my way and let people live as like.
I do not want him to accept Islam to please them.
He does not want Islam and I'm not going to bother him with all this anyway.
Why should he have to convert just to marry me.
What do I tell my parents? I know something in Islam says people don't have to convulse themselves in religion or something. Right?
Answer -
Salam alaykum, Al Hamdulillah was salat was salam ala Rasoolulah.
Thank you for taking the time to write to us with these questions.
There can be no mistake that mixed marriages frequently cause differences in families and cause problems and very often have serious consequences. This is true amongst Christian groups too, such as Protestants and Catholics.
We understand the Catholic Church has been forbidding marriage outside of their particular faith, even to other Christian groups. They have even provided written forms to be signed prior to "mixed" marriages wherein it was agreed that any children resulting from the marriage would only be raised as Catholic.

Once a particular faith affiliation is established in the heart and mind of an individual, it is often difficult for them to concede on matters of religious upbringing and lifestyles contradicting their particular choice of belief. This is especially true of those who choose to follow Islam.

One very important thing Islam has brought for those who would give consideration to obeying their Lord and drawing closer to Him in the Next Life, is the important subject of "Rights and Limitations".

If I were to try to sum up the concept of what Allah has established for us human beings in two simple words, it would have to be, "rights and limitations." Allah tells us who and what has the most rights over us (even our own bodies) and what the limiations are for us to stay within.

The reason Islam mandates marriages only to "believers" is due to the very concept of Islam itself. The word "Islam" means: "Total surrender, submission, obedience in sincerity and peace to Almighty Allah."

One who is following "Islam" is known in Arabic as a "Muslim" (Mu-Islam, i.e.; "One who does the action of ISLAM" [that is, they believe in One God without partners and follow the teachings of Quran and Muhammad, peace be upon him).

A true Muslim is one who has totally committed themselves to the Will of Almighty God on His Terms. Many people are just not ready to make that kind of life commitment. Doing the Will of God on earth as it is in Heaven, is actually a part of the teaching we find in two Gospels in the Holy Bible, wherein Jesus, peace be upon him, taught his followers how to pray.

There are many "dos" and "don'ts" in the religion of monotheism based on the teachings of the "God of Abraham" (Judaism, Christianity and Islam). The Old Testament is lined with so many commandments that I cannot count them all.

The New Testament doesn't really add anything new, however it does clearly call for an adherence to the "Law" (Torah) of the Old Testament. This is still existing in today's version of the Bible, Matthew, 5:17-20; wherein Jesus, peace be upon him, tells his audience, not even one dot shall be dropped out of the Law (commandments):

17 "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.
18 For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one tittle will by no means pass from the Law till all is fulfilled.
19 Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20 For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

The commandments of Allah in the Quran are very similar and the concept of obedience to them is the same as in Judaism and Christianity. Allah tells us in the Qur'an about the people before us (Jews and Christians) and what they were ordered to do:

98. Surah Al Baiyinah (The Clear Evidence)
In the Name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful

Lam yakuni allatheena kafaroo min ahl alkitabi waalmushrikeena munfakkeena hatta ta/tiyahumu albayyinatu

98:1 "Those who disbelieve from among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) and among Al-Mushrikun, were not going to leave (their disbelief) until there came to them clear evidence."

Rasoolun mina Allahi yatloo suhufan mutahharatan

98:2 "A Messenger (Muhammad (Peace be upon him)) from Allah, reciting (the Qur'an) purified pages [purified from Al-Batil (falsehood, etc.)].

Feeha kutubun qayyimatun

98:3 "Containing correct and straight laws from Allah.

Wama tafarraqa allatheena ootoo alkitaba illa min baAAdi ma jaat-humu albayyinatu

98:4 "And the people of the Scripture differed not until after there came to them clear evidence. (i.e. Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) and whatever was revealed to him).

Wama omiroo illa liyaAAbudoo Allaha mukhliseena lahu alddeena hunafaa wayuqeemoo alssalata wayutoo alzzakata wathalika deenu alqayyimati

98:5 "And they were commanded not, but that they should worship Allah, and worship none but Him Alone (abstaining from ascribing partners to Him), and perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat) and give Zakat: and that is the right religion.

Inna allatheena kafaroo min ahli alkitabi waalmushrikeena fee nari jahannama khalideena feeha ola-ika hum sharru albariyyati

98:6 "Verily, those who disbelieve from among the people of the Scripture and Al-Mushrikun will abide in the Fire of Hell. They are the worst of creatures.

Inna allatheena amanoo waAAamiloo alssalihati ola-ika hum khayru albariyyati

98:7 "Verily, those who believe and do righteous good deeds, they are the best of creatures.

Jazaohum AAinda rabbihim jannatu AAadnin tajree min tahtiha al-anharu khalideena feeha abadan radiya Allahu AAanhum waradoo AAanhu thalika liman khashiya rabbahu

98:8 "Their reward with their Lord is 'Adn (Eden) Paradise (Gardens of Eternity), underneath which rivers flow, they will abide therein forever, Allah Well-Pleased with them, and they with Him. That is for him who fears his Lord.

There is a verse in Quran, often referred to by those interested in the subject of Muslims marrying from the "People of the Book":

Alyawma ohilla lakumu alttayyibatu wataAAamu allatheena ootoo alkitaba hillun lakum wataAAamukum hillun lahum

5:5 "Made lawful to you this day are At­Tayyibat [all kinds of Halal (lawful) foods, which Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, etc., milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits, etc.). The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals, etc.) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them."

Sometimes Muslims without knowledge of meaning of Quran have taken this verse to mean they can eat anything at all if it is coming from Christians or Jews. Obviously this is not correct, for instance, what if they had products containing alcohol or pork in them? This would of course, be totally unaccectable.
It means you could eat their food as long as it is in compliance with their "Law", meaning the Old Bible. The emphasis is always on the subject of not eating that which has been sacrificed in the name of gods other than Allah, but that is not the only restriction.
The Name of Allah (or Jehovah, Yahweh or Father) must be mentioned at the time of slaughter unless this verse is making a contradiction to other verses. (may Allah save the Quran from any contradiction, ameen).
Let us continue reading the verse:
Waalmuhsanatu mina almu/minati waalmuhsanatu mina allatheena ootoo alkitaba min qablikum itha ataytumoohunna ojoorahunna muhsineena ghayra musafiheena wala muttakhithee akhdanin waman yakfur bial-eemani faqad habita AAamaluhu wahuwa fee al-akhirati mina alkhasireena
5:5 "(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers (Muslims) and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girl-friends.
And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other Articles of Faith [i.e. His (Allah's), Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Resurrection and Al­Qadar (Divine Preordainments)], then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.

(Surah Ma'idah, 5:5)

A very important verse regarding marriage for Muslim men and the rights and limitations prescribed by Allah. The limitations here include "chaste" women from the believers and the ahl kitab (Jews and Christians) but then the phrase "before your time" and the phrase "desiring chastity" and not committing illegal sexual intercourse, not girl-friends. And then the subject of "belief" comes up again.

It now becomes clear, even the Muslim men are not permitted to marry from other than the "believers" and they have to be virgins. The Muslim women could not be permitted to marry from any except believers, due to the serious problem of raising the children without the correct beliefs.

Wala tankihoo almushrikati hatta yu/minna walaamatun mu/minatun khayrun min mushrikatin walaw aAAjabatkum wala tunkihoo almushrikeena hatta yu/minoo walaAAabdun mu/minun khayrun min mushrikin walaw aAAjabakum ola-ika yadAAoona ila alnnari waAllahu yadAAoo ila aljannati waalmaghfirati bi-ithnihi wayubayyinu ayatihi lilnnasi laAAallahum yatathakkaroona

2:221 "And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember."
(Baqarah 2:221)

We notice that the correct belief in Allah (He is uniquely One without any partners) is the most important subject before anything else. Those who commit shirk (partners with Allah) are by far, the worst in the Sight of Allah. The clear message is they are going to be inviting you to the Hell Fire.

Conclusion: Marriage for believers, is only to other believers. Virginity is very important in Islam. The correct position is for Muslim men and Muslim women to be married and raise a family and to work together to achieve a life in the Jennah (Paradise). How could this be achieved without the correct belief on the part of both?

Advice: Pray to Allah. Ask Him for His Forgiveness and for His Guidance. Then be ready for Him to make some very serious changes in your life. He always tests the believers.

Ahasiba alnnasu an yutrakoo an yaqooloo amanna wahum la yuftanoona

29:2 "Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested.

Walaqad fatanna allatheena min qablihim falayaAAlamanna Allahu allatheena sadaqoo walayaAAlamanna alkathibeena

29:3 "And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allah will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allah knows all that before putting them to test).

Allah loves the believers and will never let them down.

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Comments   

#12 Salma 2015-02-08 00:52
Mashallah I wish all Muslim brothers and sisters now about how unacceptable it is to marry outside of ur religion. I wish it so badly especially for the indian Muslim who think its okay to marry outside of ur religion
#11 Bill D 2014-12-10 11:11
"We understand the Catholic Church has been forbidding marriage outside of their particular faith, even to other Christian groups."

You understand incorrectly. Catholics can and have married nonCatholics, including Muslims, for some time now.

(editor: actually, people going against the teachings of a religion does not change the rulings of the religious leaders. Some Muslim drink alcohol, gamble, lie and even do acts of violence - but not with the permission of Islam - OUTSIDE THE PERMISSION OF ISLAM. But thanks for writing)
#10 Mar 2014-12-03 03:04
You should know that Catholics only have two Commandments, Jesus resumed/ summarized but he didn't destroy the old one's, he said Love God above all and Love one another as yourself. this is all the commandment in two, listen,if you Love God then you will not kill his creation, you will not kill a brother/sister/ neighbor, you will not cheat on your woman and disappoint the God you Love, if you love God you will not binge drink, smoke, and harm yourself if God loves you and you are God's, Ect... Catholics Believe in Trinity, its to say, God as a Father, God as The Law, God as the Son. Its to say just because God Father is not here, does not mean God is not here, God is a law, God is a Father and a Son, God is the Beginning and end = Father and Son, but he is also present through his words, if he is not visible to the eye, he is visible to your heart and soul, his words are real not fake, real= alive, alive in your heart if you choose to listen to his words.
#9 mansor 2013-12-24 23:12
Islam make it very clear, only muslim and muslim. They are many in everywhere that they didnt follow the rule.
hope Allah give u the strength sister.
#8 Faisal 2012-09-15 11:07
Assalamoalaikum all,

@"think twice": It is remarkable how strong you have come back from where you were. Allah give us all the strength to enjoin good and discourage evil. Ameen.

@OP: I pray in this last year you have chosen what is best for your deen.
#7 think twice 2012-08-11 21:00
Sister I was once that female who thought this non muslim would change and give the world to me and be there for me and me only...Please take my word, it is Only for their Pleasure in the things they say and want and they will do what it takes to succeed, do not fall for it. The differences you have will seperate you whether you like it or not Unless you change and follow his ways, which would make you a non muslim because he has already cleared it with you that he will not change, therefore if you ever had children, they too would be non muslims because he wouldn\'t want to instill Islam anywhere in their heads. Take my advice and think for a moment, (because I too have been there and I swear this by Allah)Not proud of it and I do ask for his mercy and forgiveness, what will this get you? Is pleasure of the moment worth it? Are you willing to give Islam up for the physical and emotional pleasure that will not last you but only to the extent of this life? Where is your ending and to whom will you return? because you definitely will not be here for ever. If you did not care my dear sister you wouldn\'t have bothered to ask before proceeding. You are better than that, it will seem if you give this up that you will never find another and you do not want to let go, that he\'s the only one...thats what I was going through and that\'s how I felt towards an individual who acted like he was interested in Islam, etc. They don\'t care my dear sister, once they\'ve had enough they will leave you, because they are raised to date and not to be tied down, in the manner of if hes had enough whether it be from sexual all the way to financial problems,and will divorce when
#6 FA 2012-08-05 22:58
Reminds me of that previous post you made about a woman wanting to marry a Hindu man and really thinking that it was OK to do so, even asking for proof to justify it. May God guide us all away from such ignorance.
#5 Mohammed Irfanhammed 2012-03-15 08:59
shocking.doesn' t this sister know that AllahSWT admits only those who follow the deen of islam in jannah and those who believe trinity are disbelievers and are going to hell for eternity?even shaitan is nice to shaitan,that does not mean you can befriend him.she needs to find a muslim *pious* man who will always support her.__sister,pl ease dont take a ticket for hell!!! hell is inviting,be careful!!!he is not the only man in this planet!there are so many nice people.AllahSWT will send the right person for you!please have patience!!!
#4 anonymouns 2011-11-07 01:22
IF WE DO PARTIALITY IN RELIGIONS...lOV E WITH A MUSLIM GIRL . IS NOT POSSIBLE.
#3 Aishah 2011-09-10 16:46
Salam Alykum everyone,

Jazakallah Khayeran for sharing this and thanks for giving a clear answer to that sister.

sk: Subahanallah! Allah O Akbar! You said it right! Mashallah. :-)

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