Fears - Hopes & Joys
We wanted an article from someone who had converted to Islam and also had difficulties beyond the so-called 'norm' with traveling and being around a lot of people. So we asked Brother Matt, a 'revert' to Islam from USA to write about his feelings on Hajj - The Journey of a Lifetime. (make dua he makes hajj this year)
"I was recently doing some thinking, because there is a possibility I may be able to do my first Haj this year and although I should be excited about that I have a terrible fear of heights and being that I live in the USA.
But that would mean a rather lengthy plain ride which I have done before but it was one of the most unpleasant experiences in my life.
Anyway, I have been thinking about it and being the kind of person I am I have been imagining myself in the plane and all sorts of bad things happening.
It wasn't really soo soo bad when I was just imagining the plane having some sort of problems and it getting bumpy then the plan tilts and turns and goes crashing down and I die... That's pretty bad but compared to my next line of thinking its nothing.
Imamge there is a breach in the hull of the plane and it looses cabin pressure and I am sucked out of the plane with or without the seat still attached (I haven't decided which is worse yet). So now I am free falling to my inevitable death with a fear of heights and my stomach going into my throat... (ehhh)
The upside to this is I would have a good bit of time to make lots of Dua before I died.
However, imagining myself helplessly falling to my death, really scared me, I mean a lot. I realized I wasn't going to be able to bring myself to get onto the plane . . .
Then I started thinking about how Allah says, we must go to Haj once in our lives IF we are able, and if I am petrified from fear then - certainly I'm not able so this is fine, I just don't have to go right?
About a day later I got to thinking again.
This time I thought well for sure I am going to die, there is no way around that, it IS going to happen at some point, and there is nothing I can do to change that.
This means, since I have to die, what would be the best way to die? And really dying in Hajj, or even on your way to make haj is about as good a way that I can think of, except maybe in Jihad.
If I put my fear aside and think logically Its rather dumb of me to avoid doing the things that could potently lead to the best death possible, rather I should be doing those things as much as possible because the more I do the higher chance I have of dieing while doing so.
Really I should be hoping I die during Haj rather than being afraid that I might - Right?
But of course we are not purely logical beings, we don't come from Volcan, so even with this revelation I am still terrified of flying and falling to my death.
But now, at least I can think about the good things I will get (inshallah) if I do die, rather than the horrible discomfort of the process of dying in that fashion.
After all this pondering I am reminded of the day of judgment, when Allah Asks the people who were not given or did not understand the message of Allah: "Will you obey Allah?" and they of course say" Yes!" And Allah says "Then jump into the Hell Fire."
If they obey they will find Paradise, and if they refuse they will go into Hell.
If I am unable or unwilling to overcome my fear of heights to go to Haj as Allah has ordered me to, then how can I expect to overcome the fear of Hell Fire and jump into it if he commands me to do so?
Make dua for our brothers and sisters to overcome their fears and for Allah to make it easy for them to Obey Him, ameen.
Write to our brother -
Leave a good word for him -
And make dua too!