SHE IS NOT
ISLAM NEWSROOM - News We Need - "Kafir Girl - Not Muslim Enough"?
One Muslim sister told her real life story, pouring her heart out online. We wanted the entire Muslim community to read and understand some of our very serious issues going on in our masjids and online, all around the world.
(due to the nature of this story we had to change or delete names, places, social media names and certain grammar*)
From her heart she tells us what she put up with from “Super Muslims” most of her life.
WARNING: This story does expose a serious, dark side of so-called “Super Muslims”. Be prepared to be shocked!
Here’s her story —
— Kafir* was the nickname a certain Muslim community labeled me with some years back. Then others online called me “kafir” and “not Muslim enough” and even sending me DEATH THREATS.
Wow! I’m “Not Muslim Enough” for them — So Muslims want to KILL ME?
How did this all happen?
From the beginning —
Let’s go back to how I understood Islam as a child, to find out more.
My parents were so busy trying to make enough to keep food on the table for me and my brothers and sisters, they just didn’t have the time to tell us stories from Quran, or even teach us how to do salat (daily connection with God for prayers).
My older brothers also went to school full time and even worked full time jobs as well. So they never had time either.
I never doubted my place in Islam when I was younger. I was loved and I was taught how to love. My mother had always made Islam simple and beautiful for me in a magical way.
Islam was that to me — all about LOVE.
My mother would tell me, “taking care of plants and animals is part of Islam”. And if I help her water the plants then Allah will be so proud of me.
She said, “If your nice to your brothers and stay quiet while they study, Allah will help them pass their classes”.
At night, my mother told me stories of birds — I saw God in that.
I asked her about heaven and she told me I would have my own Pikachu (a Pokémon character) and as many cats as I wanted too.
That’s all I needed to hear. And that’s the last time I imagined heaven.
Complications Start at 10 Years —
Then things started getting complicated for me. When I was about 10 years old, a girl saw me talking to a boy and she started questioning me, whether or not I was “really a Muslim”.
Later she told other girls at the masjid (mosque) about it and the word spread around quickly. Before you know it, I became known as “The Fake Muslim”.
Ten years old, and hearing this from other Muslims really messed me up. I didn’t even know exactly what a “Fake Muslim” was. But I couldn’t tell mom, ‘cause I didn’t want her to find out that — “Allah doesn’t like me”.
Not Muslim in Shorts at 13 —
Then when I only 13, we got to go to Six Flags on Muslim Day, everyone knows how hot it gets there and all the walking, running, playing and rides. So I wore my gym shorts for a wonderful Muslims Day at Six Flags!
While we were running about and having fun, another girl from our masjid took one look at my clothes and decided everybody needs to know, “She’s NOT Muslim”.
Rumors spread at a vicious rate (Hello! Smart Phones) and it was long until I was labeled as a really bad girl who did bad things — with boys, even right behind the masjid.
By the way, I didn’t know anything about all this, until a boy shocked when he asked me (something really bad). Something I never heard of before.
So, I didn’t have many Muslim friends growing up, even the few I did have questioned my faith constantly. I just tried to focus on who I was and thought I didn’t care about people’s opinions. But that wasn’t true. I did care.
Declared Agnostic At 16 —
At 16 I decided to declare myself as an “agnostic” (no belief about God, one way or the other).
Now the few friends I still had told me I was “dumb” and “faithless” for even considering to be agnostic.
I continued trying to run away from the faith I was born into, my mother’s faith, that she kept so close to her heart. I couldn’t tell her, “I don’t like ‘Him’ anymore”. Anyway, I was pretty sure He probably didn’t like me very much either.
Now Comes the Online Blog.
There really wasn’t much to my account. I just reblogged a lot of cat pictures, talked about my day, and posted a few pictures of myself.
One day I posted a certain picture from a banquet I attended with my best friend. I was wearing a teal colored dress. Knee high length, and sleeveless. I was also pretty “blessed in certain areas”.
Then it Happened —
Someone saw found my online account, forwarded it around to the Muslim community online and suddenly my very same picture went viral — Then the “haram police” came online to pass judgment on me.
According to their standards, I was “Not Muslim Enough”. This spread around quickly and before long many were calling me names (like “kafir”), saying bad things about me, and warning others to avoid me (but they didn’t even know me!!)
There was a lot of “you’re not Muslim enough” “your mother is probably so ashamed”, “Allah hates you”—everything! It seemed like it would never end — Then just when it couldn’t get any worse - I started getting death threats!! Muslim brothers and sisters wanted to KILL ME!
Real Muslims to the Rescue —
Finally, one day as I was being harassed on an online blog, a Muslim girl from Canada came to my rescue. She was a Hijabi (girl wears the Muslim cover) and to me was like an angel sent from Heaven. Then she brought more friends along, all of them accepting me, messaging me, reassuring me and telling me things I needed to hear at the time.
They said positive, affirmative things about me and my clothes. They gave me compliments and read my posts and related to my cat posts.
Bottom line — they made me feel OK, just for being who I am.
I felt accepted and could begin to look at myself and my feelings with different viewpoints. Definitely, I wanted to have a good relationship with people, but even more important was my relationship with my Creator, God Himself.
It was not until I was 20 years old when I learned the proper way for salat (daily connection with God for prayers).
Now I’m beginning to see the magical beauties of Islam again, like when my mom used to talk with me.
Oh, I still don’t know much about Prophet Muhammad, (peace be upon him), and I struggle to read the Arabic in the Quran, I still wear shirts without long sleeves and sometimes talk to boys. I still make some mistakes.
But at least I’ve learned how to repent to God. I am growing. My faith is getting stronger.
Last year, I actually starting crying for the first time in my salat! I thought that was never going to happen to me. Now this is the closest I’ve ever felt to my faith.
Sometimes, I can’t believe it myself. I still cringe when I think of all those who called me “Kafir” or told me, “You’re not close enough to God”, and then for a moment I may doubt myself again. What if someone sees me while I’m praying? Am I doing it to their satisfaction? Will they think I’m Muslim enough for them?
. . It is time for me to accept myself for who I am and try to become better as much as I can, so I’ll be “Muslim enough for God”.
By the way, I don’t blame anyone for my disconnect between me and Allah. I keep asking him for His Forgiveness every day.
I do hope and pray that one day, I’ll be Muslim enough for Him.
P.S. — Everyone’s path is different. I do know that if you have any opinions on someone’s way of practicing then you should kindly shut up, inshAllah. (Astaghfirullah - See, I still sin!)
P.S.S. — I have many women to thank for my growth. Shout out to my mom, (names deleted) and the whole gang at (deleted) — love you all — You guys are Muslim Enough for ME!
Do You Really Care? — Comment & Share for Allah - DO IT NOW