I want to wear Hijab
But Mom Says 'NO'
Question from a sister:
Salaam Alaikom, im a converted moslima and i would like to ask your opinion. i live with my mother and she is a non-believer and i would like to start wearing hijab inshallah.
But my mother reject the hijab but she doesn't reject the other aspects of Islam. She is afraid to what other people may say if I start wearing hijab.
Would advice would you give me?
Wassalaam alaikom, (a sister)
Answer from Yusuf Estes:
Bismillah Al Hamdulillah - was salat was salam 'ala rasoolullah. Allahu 'Alim.
Sister, sometimes it is good to consider practical solutions in ways we can all deal with the issues, right?
This idea came to me while thinking over your question - Your mom has a point. Several points, in fact.
1. Friends may talk about you and your family (but what kind of friends would they be?)
2. Some people might make fun of you or even say things to hurt your feelings.
3. It is not the culture of your people (but what exactly is their culture?)
You already know the importance of obeying your parents and in particular, your mother. Right? This is very important as Muslims.
But Islam teaches us, "There is no obedience to the creation (even parents), if it is disobedience to the Creator (Almighty God). Right? Absolutely.
So, let's talk to mom and see how she thinks after the following points.
Let's begin hijab and the purpose behind it. Then you can check out the recommended videos and websites I have listed at the end.
First, ask mom to consider the issue from these points:
1. Allah has ordered women to "cover" in the Quran
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; and that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear thereof; that they should pull their khimar (long scarves worn on the top and back of the heads) down over 'juyubahina' (literally: their bosoms) and not display their beauty, except to their husbands..." (surah an-Nur 24:31)
"O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their 'jalabibihina' (from 'jilbab', 'jilabiya' - the women's outer garments). That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful." (surah al Ahzab 33:59)
2. Our prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said in later generations of his Ummah there would be:
"women will be dressed, but yet 'naked' and on top of their heads (what looks like) the humps of camels. Curse them, for sure they are truly cursed." [Muslim]
3. Ayesha, may Allah accept from her, has reported that when her sister, Asma' came into the room in front the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, she was wearing thin clothing. Ayesha tells us:
"He turned his head away and exclaimed -
"O Asma'. When a young girl reaches puberty, it is not proper for her to expose herself, except for this and this",
- and he pointed to his face and hands." [Abu Daw'ud]
4. The Islamic way of covering the body has a definite advantage and purpose.
Modest attire - Clothing should be modest, nott overly gaudy or too fancy, but not to worn out or torn up to get people to notice out of admiration or pity.
5. Dress code of the West - Up until the 1950's most women in the west wore long, dark dresses, high collars and very little make-up. The women in those days worked, played and socialized in public without worrying how long or what color their dresses were. You couldn't say it was like hijab, but certainly it was much more conservative and far less provocative.
6. Muslim women wearing proper hijab, find many things very practical about hijab. Consider the Muslim ladies covering and what it offers:
One long, black outer garment makes it easy to dress quickly and wear anything comfortable underneath.
The hijab coverng the head, neck, ears and hair makes life easy without all the hair styling and make-up.
People accept you for who you really are, not what you make yourself look like.
7. Practical - Hijab is not time consuming, nerve racking or highly expensive styles that go out of date over night.
All women from all walks of life, regardless of wealth or career or social status can worship together on the same level and enjoy each other's company as real sisters should.
8. Dress of Muslim women should not interfer with regular, daily activities whether around the house or the market or work place. In fact, it should improve these experiences and remove unwanted attraction from the opposite gender.
9. Muslim women dressing according to Islam, are judged by others more about their behavior, manners, speech, intelligence, instead of just how her face or body looks.
10. Dress is only one facet of the total being. Modesty is one of the main factors behind the concept of "covering up" in Islam.
11.Modesty in Islam makes it necessary to cover the "aura", from the navel to below the knees, in front of all people except of course spouses. The basic requirement of the Muslim woman's dress applies also to Muslim men's clothing. The basic difference is what is to be covered and in front of whom.
12. Men should not dress in women's clothing, nor should they wear tight or provocative clothing. Men are forbidden by the prophet, peace be upon him, from wearing silk garments or anything made of gold. Women on the other hand, are permitted to wear all the silk and gold they might like.
13. Requirements for covering the bodies goes back to the very beginnings of mankind. These are not intended to be burdensome or difficult. Rather, the idea is to preserve dignity, modesty and protection for the individual as well as the society at large.
After your discussion with your mother, ask her to take a look at this video.
Next, try talking to her about Mary, mother of Jesus, how did she dress? What do the images and pictures of the church people show the women of the Bible wearing? What about the nuns and their habits and clothing?
Have you seen the way the queen covers up in ceremonies and public events, especially in front of the public?
Finally, try different ways as you can, to wear the hijab when and where you mother doesn't have to see it or worry about it. Look for safe ways to properly cover up!