Mom Wants to Stay Home
Husband Wants Her to Work
A sister wrote:
Assalaamu alaikum,
I'm a mother of 2 girls. One new born and other just starting school. We live in middle class area of town. Me and my husband owe so much money because of relatives getting married, they needed money you know. And we invested in real estate before the market went bad and other investments. My husband's job pays good but he says he wants me to get a job and help out with all these expenses. He says it isn't fair he does all of the work and I just sit at home enjoying everything he works for. This makes me feel so guilty.
I want us to get out of debt. I know sometimes interest could be bad, but of course we have to have a home, car and invest something for our family's future. If I take a job, we could get away from payments faster and in a few years maybe I could quit and come back to taking care of my kids.
I really wish I could stay at home and care for my daughters, teaching them Quran, Arabic and all about Islam. But I know we live in a modern world and I have to be more modern.
Do I need to find a Muslim baby sitter for my little one? Or could anyone do the job? I am trying to be a modern Muslim and know it is OK to get a job and make money to buy what I need. But my fear is about my kids. What age do I have to be there for them? Is there any problem with Islam if I just keep on working and take care of them when I get home at night?
Bismillah Rahman Raheem
Salam alaykum Sister Saifa,
First of all, we pray to Allah to relieve you and your husband from this serious condition, ameen. These days many of us are suffering from the pressures of worldly matters, not the least of which are those connected with debts.
Before we discuss your working situation, let us consider the following things about Islam to be sure we are all on the right page, inshallah.
1. It is very good in Islam to be able to help others at every turn of the road. Along the way of life all of us would like to be in such a position as to help the needy and the orphans. I feel sure, as good Muslims you and your husband are trying your best to provide for your family's future as well as to be able to contribute to society.
2. Shayton tries to deceive us on this subject by making things of the dunyah attractive to us in such a way, we believe it is necessary to acquire property, land, real estate and investments to build wealth and then somehow all of this is going to protect us from poverty and let us help others too.
3. This is totally against what Islam is teaching us. This is definitely a big trick from shayton. He whispers to us about our own condition and worries us about poverty, while it is Allah who is Al Rizaq (The Provider of everything). Shayton wants us to withhold our charity in the hopes of making what we have turn into more. This is more lies from shayton. It is Allah who is Al Kareem (The Most Generous).
4. When there is a need to borrow money for emergency purposes, Islam permits this and allows for us to borrow, even from non-Muslims, providing of course we follow Islamic guide lines and do not in any cheat the one we borrow from nor take advantage of them. Additionally, we cannot pay back anything more than what was contracted to borrow in the first place. But, going into debt, even without riba (interest) is never the best choice. This is because we don't really know what might happen in the future. So, we could be taking chances with other people's money. This is very true when we are speculating on land, stocks and bonds and other investments for the sake of just increasing our wealth. Again, we see the hand of shayton playing in our lives.
5. Riba (interest or increase on borrowed money) is absolutely forbidden in all cases and in all times. This is not a small problem in Islam, it is major sin, about which Allah tells us in Quran:
002.276
Sahih International: Allah destroys interest and gives increase for charities. And Allah does not like every sinning disbeliever.
Sahih International: Indeed, those who believe and do righteous deeds and establish prayer and give zakah will have their reward with their Lord, and there will be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve.
Sahih International: O you who have believed, fear Allah and give up what remains [due to you] of interest, if you should be believers.
Sahih International: And if you do not, then be informed of a war [against you] from Allah and His Messenger.
But if you repent, you may have your principal – [thus] you do no wrong, nor are you wronged.
http://allahsquran.com/read/verses.php?ch=2
6. Islam does not forbid women to be educated, in fact this is a very important aspect of Islam, education of our families. Men and women are encouraged to gain the proper knowledge of their deen (way of life in Islam) and to know the Arabic language, understand the meaning of Quran and hadeeth and to know the life of our prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. However, there should never be an emphasis of gaining the worldly knowledge without any regard for the spiritual and beneficial knowledge of Allah, His angels, His Books, His Messengers, the Day of Judgment and Allah's Predestination. Today many Muslims have turned the concept of learning totally upside down, putting the big push on secular knowledge to gain the so-called wealth of this world while giving away any chance of wealth of the Next World. All too often we find parents more interested in their children becoming engineers, doctors and lawyers than knowing the Quran, hadeeth and especially the meaning of the Arabic language. How could we know our deen if we don't know Arabic? Who would we trust with our future in the Next Life? Shayton is right there again, ready to give us the wrong ideas and the wrong advise.
7. Women in Islam are protected by Islamic law, to keep and hold all of their own possessions, except what is due for zakat. Men must not approach women for their money, gold, jewelry or any form of their wealth. Men are ordered by Allah in Quran to provide for the women from the very beginning of their relationship. Mahr (dowry) is due from the man to woman (it used to be that women had to pay dowry to men, before Islam and even in recent years in Christianity). Allah has ordained in Quran the rights and duties of women and more important, the rights and duties of men toward the women. Prior to Islam, no such declaration had been made in favor of the ladies. Consider what Allah says in surah An-Nisaa' (The Women, Chapter 4, verse 34):
Sahih International: Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them (but no more than a tap to remind them). But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
We understand men to be the maintainers of women, providing for all their needs, as Allah has made the men in charge of going out into the world, making the living and bringing home the provisions. Not the other way around.
The answer to your question is simple. You are the wife, the mother, the lady and above all - the Muslimah. It is your right to be provided for one hundred percent by your husband. It is also your right to keep all of your wealth, except what is due for zakat. It is also your right to remain protected in the security of your home.
Here is what we find in Quran and sunnah regarding ISLAM'S WOMEN (a website devoted to our sisters) www.IslamsWomen.com
The Muslimah (Muslim sister) has rights and duties in front of Allah.
Her duties are also clear according to Allah's Speech to all of us. She must be devoutly obedient to Allah, forsaking anyone and anything that would compromise her deen as a Muslim woman. She must guard what her husband would have her guard while he is away. This refers to both material objects as well as the private parts of the body.
She and her husband have a duty to your children. He must provide for the upbringing of children coming from both of them. He must also make sure they are properly educated in Islam. He must also be imam for these children and teach them about Quran, our prophet, peace be upon him, how to make wudu, salat, fasting, zakat and about hajj. He must take the boys to the masjid as much as possible and for sure for jummah on Fridays.
Her duties to the children are very clear. She must be there for them.
It is not forbidden to leave very young children (babies and toddlers) with baby sitters, provided you know these people are not going to corrupt or hurt the children in any way.
The main issue is, the husband's debt is not her responsibility according to Islam. She does not have the duty to pay any part of it, nor does she have the duty to work to support the home or family. If she takes a job, every cent is her money.
If her husband causes her to neglect her duties to the family and what Allah wants her to do, then for sure the husband will be in trouble with Allah and if she obeys her husband instead of obeying Allah, she could be in serious trouble as well.
Note: There is one thing you can consider: If a woman wants to help someone in her family who needs financial help, this is her choice and it could be considered as charity or even zakat, according to some restrictions.
But for sure, sister I would advise you both to take serious look at what you are doing in front of your Lord, the Holder of all Wealth and the Judge on the Final Day.
We will all be asked, so starting getting your answers ready now.
Just a reminder from me to myself and to you, in case we might forget.
Jazakallah khair was salam alaykum,
Yusuf Estes
Here is the link to this page to share with others:
www.IslamNewsroom.com/news-we-need/1736
www.JustAskIslam.com - www.IslamsWomen.com - www.AllahsQuran.com - www.GuideUS.TV
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